Syria Vows to Launch Pre-Attack Retaliation

by Marvel Goose on September 1, 2013

Syrian Minister of Information Omran Zoabi

Syria’s Minister of Information  responded today to President Obama’s call for Congressional approval of attacks on Syria by threatening to launch a “pre-attack retaliation”. Omran Zoabi complained, ”We cannot tolerate dithering Infidels.”

Zoabi became indignant when reporters asked if a “pre-attack retaliation” was really another name for attacking first.”The Koran forbids attacking first and we follow the words of the Prophet,” he said. “If , after our pre-attack retaliation, the West refuses to attack then we will be forced to make an early retribution.  We will continue this policy until the West finally attacks.”

Zoabi made clear that once the West attacks, Syria reserves the right to a post-attack retaliation as well.

White House spokesman Jay Carny was reported to be in a pre-meeting and unable to respond at press time.

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