Every town has its newspaper letter writing curmudgeon. Ours is like a troglodyte, but of less intelligence.

At a meeting of the Arts Commission one of the more liberal members wished out loud that someone would scorch Ira New.  One person wisely noted that people like Mr. New love nothing more than to be flamed so that they can flame back.  This inspired me to go after the curmudgeon's Achilles heel.  While they can bask in the hate of everyone, they can't stand to be made fun of.

Mr. New never had the wit to understand that the letter was written firmly tongue in cheek and he wrote me often for months at the bogus address given in the letter.  The post office obviously got the gag because they delivered everyone of those notes to me. Even more embarrassing were all those people who wrote to the Valdosta Times thinking I really was out to enforce corporeal punishment on Mr. New's person and going after me to trampling his civil rights.

Several people did get the joke and showed up at the Millhouse where the staff was very nervous from all the threats they had gotten from Mr. New's erstwhile partners in troglodytism.  We all had several beers. I never received any checks, though.

April 26, 1994 

Letters to the Editor 
Valdosta Daily Times 
P.O. Box 968 
Valdosta, GA 31603 

Dear Editor: 

The organizational meeting of the Committee to Beat Some Sense into Ira E. New, Jr will be held at the Millhouse Restaurant in Remerton on Wednesday, May 4th at 7pm. 

After election of officers, a short program entitled "The Cane or The Lash, You Decide" will be given. Although the organizing committee consists primarily of conservatives who are tired of Mr. New giving us a bad name, membership is open to liberals, libertarians, or anyone who believes in the Loch Ness Monster. 

Persons not able to attend the meeting can become supporting members by mailing $10 to: 

Ira New's Letters are Getting Old 
c/o Merrill Guice 
2715 Northside Drive
Valdosta, GA 31603 

Help us assist Mr. New obtain a new found maturity by vigorous application of the proverb "spare the rod and spoil the child". 

Merrill Guice