Shameless Search Terms like Turtle Sex

by Marvel Goose on September 8, 2008

In 2004, I did a post about a book called The Bean Trees that was banned by the Lowndes County Board of Education because, among other things, it featured turtles having sex.

I get at least one visit a day to this blog because of that post. This because I am one of the few web pages that uses the phrase “Turtle Sex”.  In fact, by writing the phrase “Turtle Sex” over and over in this post I am guaranteeing that Google will now think that I am an expert in Turtle Sex and send even more people to my blog who are looking for… Turtle Sex.

Lord knows what the content enabled advertisements in the right hand column of my blog will now show. Maybe “Turtles for Sale” or “Turtle Sex Toys”. If I start getting hits for Turtle Sex Toys, then I’m going to start selling them. Surely there is more money in Turtle Sex Toys than there is in writing silly humor for free.

Porn websites put little phrases in their copy, Sarah Palin naked, that make people who are desperate for weird sex, Puppy Sex, or who are celebrity obsessed, Sandra Bullock naked, or just sick, Phyllis Diller’s breasts, to trick the search engines into thinking that they actually have these things on their website. While they might not actually have Sarah Palin naked, or Puppy Sex, or Sandra Bullock Naked they figure that sex is sex and porn is porn and you’ll just look at their stuff anyway you sick puppy you.

IF the search terms “Sarah Palin naked”, or “Puppy Sex”, or “Sandra Bullock Naked”, or even “Turtle Sex Toys” have brought you here today, maybe you should click on Sex Addiction Workshop

OR, you can read all my posts going back to 2004. If that doesn’t kill your sex drive deader than a smished Armadillo, I don’t know what will.

Hmm, smished Armadillo, that term only gets six hits on Google. I bet I’ll be at the top of THAT list by the end of the day!


Update 10/05/2008 — This blog post is now holding down the top THREE listings for “smished armadillo” on the web.


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