Gay Marriage is the New Hotel California

by Marvel Goose on May 26, 2009

The Gay Divorcee Movie Poster

Gay Marriage: You can check in any time you like, but you can never leave.

People who crossed the country to get to Massachusetts or New Hampshire to be Gaily Married did not stay in Massachusetts or New Hampshire: they went home. Home where Gay Marriage does not exist and where the legal machinery required for Gay Divorce does not exist, either.

The unhappily married couple has to go back to Massachusetts or New Hampshire and establish residency before they can be divorced. Does this sound like a new reality show or what? Set it in a boarding house for divorcing gay people and call it “Separate Beds and Breakfasts”. If I see this on Bravo next season, they’ll hear from me.

Even if our gay couple live in a state where they can get divorced, the IRS tax codes do not recognize Gay Marriage. They will tax all property division; so whoever scores more stuff also pays more taxes. It takes a Government to spoil the age old practice of “marrying up”.

On top of the opprobrium in certain quarters for Gay Marriage comes the general, centuries old, stigma of divorce.  If you thought that Evangelical Churches were all against Gay Marriage you ain’t seen nothing yet. They are really, really, really, against divorce. As it says in Matthew 19:2: “What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder”, or woman either. If Adam and Steve do manage to get married by a priest or preacher in the name of the Holy Trinity, then they better damn well stay married. If this seems illogical to you, then you don’t understand your conservative religions.

Couples getting divorced in these churches are often shunned by the congregation. There is nothing for them to do but quit their current Evangelical Church and go join two different Evangelical Churches. The new churches will welcome them to the Singles Programs they run to help people deal with divorce. It’s open to everyone who was divorced elsewhere.

Evangelical Churches are not the only places who do not support Gay Divorce. There is a funny video on YouTube where a guy walks around the Castro section of San Francisco asking people to sign a petition to support Gay Divorce. No one signs. Not even the gay people. Are you for divorce? Of course you are not — no one is.

Politicians don’t willingly vote for things that most people HATE. If it took from the 1950’s to the 1970’s to liberalize the divorce laws in this country for Heterosexual marriages, what kind of time line are we looking at for Gay Divorces?

I was about to say, thank God no children are hurt when I realized that the latest fad is to marry gay and then adopt a child. There are no laws for Gay Marriage Custody, either.  Not only does Heather Have Two Mommies,  she also has a drinking problem because her mommies hate each other, can’t get divorced, and can’t get a court to agree to custody.

The messy and very human process of realigning every law in fifty states will be with us for a while.  There is an opportunity here.  I think that my former hometown of Remerton, GA should pass some laws on Gay Divorce and become the Gay Divorce Capital of the South. They are needing a new business model anyway.


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