The Stem Cell Riots of 2016

Excerpted from “History of Biomedics” Little Brown & Co. ©2052

… Jackson kicked off his sixth comeback tour by appearing in public with a completely new nose that had been grown in place using stem cells, a massive elective surgery market was created overnight. The dislocations to society stemming from this and the riots of 2016 are still being felt to this day.

The supply of stem cells in the twenty-teens was limited by the quaint idea that profits were evil.  The medical industry could not purchase stem cells on the open market and the only supply could come from the eggs left over from in vitro fertilization.

The American Red Cross began an aggressive program to gather fertilized eggs for legitimate surgery. Teenage girls were encouraged to have unprotected sex and visit their American Red Cross afterwards.  This was not popular with parents and the amounts collected were minimal.

Black Markets in stem cells soon sprung up under the sponsorship of organized crime.  Brothels made so much from collecting and selling fertilized eggs that they began charging for the drinks and giving away sex for free.

Teenagers and parents were soon battling over requests to add extra fingers and toes like the new cool kids on the Disney Channel.

As the demand grew to replace body parts their owners did not like, the prices for surgery using “legal” body parts grew even faster.  Mexico’s lax rules on embryo collection attracted many gringos to “cross the line and come back fine.”

It was estimated that 99.9% of the male population wanted to grow new penises and 33% of females agreed with them.  Those who were rich enough or lucky enough to get the new economy sized models could easily be discerned by their bowlegged gait — which was quickly named the Wing Wang Walk and was the inspiration for a major dance craze.

Congress attempted to pass new laws in 2014 to outlaw Cosmetic and Optional enhancement and “put the Mafia out of business”.  The effort was halted when journalists discovered that the Mafia was spending freely in support of  the bill to limit access to legal stem-cells.

After extensive debate, a  compromise was reached in 2015 wherein any type of body part could be grown for elective surgery as long as the stem cells  for it were donated by an immediate family member.  Liberals refused to support the legislation until funding for stem cell enhancement was made available to the poor.

Soon both poor and rich men were walking the Wing Wang Walk while the middle class seethed.

A naturalist backlash to glorify “natural men” and “natural women” was reflected in new online videos and websites. Enhanced people fought back by calling naturalist women “3S”  for “sore, sorry, and shallow”. Naturalist men were called “nubbies”.

Biological bigotry grew to the point that some lunch counters were refusing to seat men who required an extra cushion in order to sit without hurting themselves.

Events came to a head when, at the start of his seventh come back tour in 2016, Micheal Jackson saw his nose spin off into the audience after several pirouette turns on the catwalk.  An investigation revealed that stem cell grown body parts were structurally weak and could fall off if vigorously shaken for a long period of time.

Riots broke out in cities all over the United States as the….

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Tagged as: Human Comedy, Politics, sex