Things You Shouldn’t Do In Valdosta

by Marvel Goose on June 20, 2004

The mail has really piled up with suggests for the growing list of things not to do. Here is a sampling of the mail with credit where it is due and smarty comments from me (of course)

From Danielle

Give away your Yankee status immediately by asking a local if they think the term “pole bender” sounds perverted.

Suggest that the Bible did not come down from heaven in its current form. In English, of course!

I also have fun when I tell people I am Episcopalian. They will ask if we use the King James Version and I get to tell them that King James founded our church and ask if they like our bible.  

from someone clueless

Don’t let me find out who is making these raciest remarks on this website! Why don’t you stop hiding behind your monitor and start saying these things in public like a true k. k .k. member! Try doing something more productive with your spare time ya dork!

They threw me out of the K.K.K. because I insisted on wearing Snoopy bedsheets 


Let go of your shopping cart in the Publix parking lot. It will roll ’til it hits 30 mph or a person, whichever comes first!


being late and expecting not to catch the damned ol’ train on baytree

being early and not expecting to catch the damned ol’train on baytree


Call Dominoes and ask for a Meat Lovers, Supreme, Pan, or Stuffed Crust (because those pizzas are at Pizza Hut)


Go out to Grassy Pond with a loaf of bread and say, “Here Gator, Gator”


Don’t believe them when they say they are saving that collector car “for their grandson”


Talk about how good things are in Atlanta

Pandy’s Box

Drive to Lake City for beer on Sunday and speed back to Valdosta with no headlights on.


An Entire String of Good Ones! 


  • Correct a native’s pronunciation of the word Pecan.

  • Say that East Alden Avenue is NOT a cut through street to Williams Street

    or Ashley Street


  • Try to go through Zaxby’s drive thru when you absolutely need something to

    eat right then!


  • Smoke Buglers anywhere because they look like joints.

  • Throw out cigarette butts on Baytree until you cross over the creek bridge

    out of Remerton!


  • Actually think that the bridges will ice over in winter

  • Expect more than 2 channels with rabbit ears

  • Ask why channel 35 goes from Moesha to Home Shopping to snow. 


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