And now the Associated Press’s Top 10 Stories of any year divisible by four…
- 10. Russia Starts Another War
- Russia regrets losing the cold war and wants a mulligan. THIS time James Bond is going to find some radioactive isotope in his martini.
- 09. Hillary Clinton is Still Famous
- New Diplomatic Protocol: kiss her ring or kiss her behind
- 08. Terrorists Blow Up More Stuff for Stupid Reasons
- Demand that Mumbai change its name back to Bombay. Want men to only have sex with their wives. Good luck with that.
- 07. Media Slimes Republican VP Candidate
- Shouldn’t this be an Olympic event? We do it every four years. Prediction, next Republican VP Candidate will be stupid because we said so.
- 06. Earthquake Kills Lots of People in Developing Nation
- Occasionally Mother Nature throws a Tsunami or Volcanic Explosion in a developing nation. This was Earthquake’s turn.
- 05. Olympics Held
- Surprise, Surprise, Surprise — they’ll hold another one in four years with even sappier athlete profiles. It will be the best Olympics ever, again.
- 04. Iraq
- We won, but let’s act like we didn’t or just forget it altogether, unless things go bad again and then we’ll pay attention if … oooh look! There goes a pretty butterfly!
- 03. Oil Prices
- Oil prices go up except when they are going down. Evil Oil Companies are behind it all. Prices only go down when Captain America puts one of those villains away.
- 02. Economic Meltdown
- Headline News: People are greedy and stupid. Capitalism stinks. Alternatives stink worse. Let’s try them anyway.
- 01. President Elected
- Another Olympic exercise. While we couldn’t let the world vote, we did let them donate anonymously via PayPal.
Stories that almost made the Top 10 included:
- A Cyclone and a Hurricane killed lots of people in developing nations but they didn’t kill as many people as the Earthquake did. Sorry, Mother Nature, rules are rules. Only one natural disaster in the Top 10 each year.
- The Illinois Governor was caught trying to sell a US Senate seat, but was caught AFTER the Top 10 Ballot was printed. Damn him!
- No Republican politician was caught up in a sex scandal this year. Are they still having sex or did we make them stop?
- Gay marriage almost made the list but didn’t get enough votes: strangely, the same thing happened in California this year.
SAVE this list. We’ll recycle it next year.
Love,
The A.P.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
LOL I love your “Top Ten Stories” list!
My favorite: “Oil prices go up except when they are going down. ”
hehehe
That about sums it up! Good job!
Every year:
House burns down because of issue with space heater or Christmas tree lights.
Overpasses ice over. Idiots fly off them.
Someone brings a gun to a school.
Polygamists come out of the woodwork.
Happy 2009!
@Reforming Geek – Yep, you got it. So much of what is sold as news is just a template. Stories write themselves.
@VE – I know, Cap’n is now dead. He was the only Super Hero I could come up with that had a “C” in his name. I have it on good authority that ‘c’ words are funnier. That’s why Batman had to be edited out.
@RelaxMax – Thanks for the kudos!
@Unfinished Rambler – I try to give both sides heck. As an unaffiliated Libertarian, I’m allowed that.
Dang…I miss Captain America… And I don’t believe that Olympics one…how could they get any sappier!
Great Top-10 list. And eminently recyclable. Too funny – good post.
The Republicans weren’t involved in any sex scandals, but they made it up for in every other type of scandal.
Not that I’m a partisan person or anything.
I just can’t believe no republican was caught in a sex scandal. Imagine that!
PS – I’ve clicked on a Smiley for you a bazillion times and nothing happened – another AP story for 2008.
@Deb – thanks for trying. I just can’t stand how those java scripts work over there. At the same time, having a score of 5 is just breaking my heart. AllTop took me even though they say they won’t look at anyone lower than 50 at H-B. Musta been all the link love from our fellow Humorbloggers.
@hammy – THANK YOU! I appreciate the stumble very much!
Terrorists want men to only have sex with their wives. Good luck with that.
LOL.
Oh, no, you’re a Libertarian! I don’t know if I’ll be able to return to your site now that you’ve revealed that and I know how much freedom you want from government.
“Are [Republicans] still having sex or did we make them stop?”
That was funny…
Crap! I was reading about Iraq, trying to remember what happened, then there was this butterfly I’m sure I saw in my peripheral but can’t seem to find now. How did that thing get in here?
I love your top 10 stories!
And thank you for commenting on my Cbox, I’m sorry blogger was mean to you.
Please don’t let that reflex on me , cause I’m really nice…… just ask my mom.
That would be reflect.
Pretty sure.
From my secret GOP sources, it is the Dems who are not allowed to have sex until Obama takes office. I know, it seems weird to me, too, since Obama is apparently getting it every night!! I guess winning a presidential election makes your wife want to put out more, go figure…
Love the list.
And, hey, I just noticed that you’re using some of the HumorBlogger ads I made! Thanks!
I think my favorite is either the mime one or the penguin-fart one.
I really like the mime one. I have all the others downloaded, but I have to reformat their size so I can fit them into that java window.